1Your Highness the Governor of Glubbdubdrib,

3Yours sincerely,

4Marie Delomée

5
Dean Swift,

YAHOO HNHLOAYN

Hhuun hhuun ylnhniamshy hhnm
Ynlhmndwihlma gnnayh ynholmhnmrohlnw
Nnuhnoh lyhannh luhimuhs
Hnea hnuy maiah whnaholm

THE LAW OF THE YAHOOS

Hurry swiftly native servants!
For weather foul preys on the house,
A hare has swallowed up a mouse
And evil taken gentle infants.

8I have devoted myself to the study of the poem ever since its discovery and have devised several theories which I wish to submit for your approval. The most striking aspect of the text is certainly the use of elaborate conceits. Indeed, the common noun “gnnayh” (a small bird of prey), here employed as a verb, “to prey”, seems fairly unusual within the Houyhnhnm canon, known for the “justness of [its] Similes”. Similarly, the topsy-turvydom of the food chain implied by the third verse, where the herbivorous “nnuhnoh” (a “beautiful animal, about the same size [as a rabbit], the skin of which is covered with a fine down”) unexpectedly eats a “luhimuhs” (a wild rat), appears as a clear metaphor for a larger cosmic revolution about to occur. The shift from similes to the more sophisticated figure of the metaphor clearly proves that the scrap of verse is a later text, written at a time when decadence had most certainly tainted the noble and chaste race, for what is a metaphor but “the thing which [is] not”? This hypothesis is further borne out by the verbal form of “swallow,” which denotes a widespread knowledge of the English language imported to Houyhnhnmland by Captain Lemuel Gulliver in 1711. Had the Houyhnhnms been unaware of this tongue, how could the poet have used the common noun “lyhannh,” which ordinarily designates the bird, as a synonym for the verb “to swallow,” “to gobble up”?

9A curious phenomenon which can be observed in the opening verse confirms the idea that this is a late Houyhnhnm poem. The author repeats the interjection “hhuun” – which could roughly be translated as “yeeha,” an obvious English misinterpretation of another Houyhnhnm term, “yahoo.” It remains highly improbable that a race known for its superiority in poetry over “all other Mortals” would resort to such a base figure of speech. Hence, one can only conclude that the twofold use of the word must, in this case, express a delicate variation upon the notion of alacrity – a theory which naturally results in the following translation: “hurry swiftly” (I remain, however, “hardly able to do justice to the” subtle Houyhnhnm polysemy “which must needs suffer by my want of capacity, as well as by a translation into our barbarous English” and I had to resort to what may seem a tautology in this imperfect language.) Since we have established that the quatrain is the product of an ancient tongue newly imbued with the English language, it seems quite likely that the author had intended for the seeds of this translation to be contained in his original verse. This overt use of your name settles, once and for all, the question of the authorship of Gulliver’s Travels which was debated as soon as the book was published. I am quite proud to be able to correct both early commenters who thought it was written by Lemuel Gulliver and modern scholars, who are still greatly mistaken and believe that it is your own fictitious work. The blatant truth which arises from the thorough analysis of the quatrain can be summarised thus: Gulliver never existed but was the pseudonym you chose to adopt for the collation of your very own truthful voyages. The poem’s status remains unclear, yet, let me briefly state what I could make of its message.

10Since Houyhnhnm verses are mainly concerned with “exalted Notions of Friendship and Benevolence, or the Praises of those who were Victors in Races, and other bodily exercises,” the bleak tone of what appears to be a threnody, or should I say the swan song of the Houyhnhnm race, may initially come as a surprise. However, when one recalls that the noble horses could never lie and that their poetry relied on the “exactness of their descriptions,” it becomes necessary to view the poem as a minute depiction of an existing situation, that of the fall of Houyhnhnm nation due to a natural disaster. The poem, indeed, depicts the perversion of nature’s laws. An ill wind, perhaps the very one which blew you to Houyhnhnmland, has taken over the island and is destroying its houses while spreading disease, compelling the poet to command the servants to bring their masters to the shore – most certainly to flee. The renowned cleanliness and perfect health of Houyhnhnm foals led me to believe that the cause of this terrible blow must have been external to the Houyhnhnm race. The only thing that could wreak such havoc would be a Yahoo specimen. Yet, despite the Houyhnhnms’ regular attempts to destroy this hideous race, the two species had somehow managed to set aside their differences for many centuries.

11I thus remain convinced that your intrusion into the island was the origin of this calamity. Indeed, it seems that only a person who combined physical Yahoo characteristics and Houyhnhnm-like rationality could pose a threat to the lawful order of the country. The Assembly, foreseeing some kind of misfortune were you to stay on the island, very justly banned you. However, they remained unaware of the forced intercourse you had with a female Yahoo which spawned the by-blow of your kind, O gentle Yahoo. The new race must have quickly bred, overpopulating the land and perverting both Houyhnhnm nature and nature itself, forcing the wise horses to seek asylum or to die out.

13Thus, faithful author, I have spoken my truth and wish to seek your help in order to assist the Houyhnhnms in their noble plan. In these post-truth times when you will be sorry to hear that swiftboating (a contemporary term which I suspect derives from your angry trips to London) and fake news (I am afraid that the thing which is not has trumped factual reports in today’s press) have taken over the natural course of politics, I believe that the Houyhnhnm revolution is our only hope.

14Truthfully yours,

15Marie Delomée